Hello there!

Dr. Fred Luskin is co-director of the Stanford University-Northern Ireland HOPE project. In his book Forgive for Good, he explores the research-based connection between forgiveness and your health.

If you are feeling hurt or disappointed about something or someone in your life, please check out his Nine Steps to Forgiveness, it might come in handy along the happy trail.

 Forgive for Good

1. Know exactly how you feel about what happened and be able to articulate what about the situation is not OK.  Then, tell one or two people that you trust about your experience.

2. Make a commitment to yourself to do what you have to do to feel better.  Forgiveness is for you and not for anyone else. 

3. Forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation with the person that hurt you, or condoning of their action.  What you are after is to find peace.  Forgiveness can be defined as the "peace and understanding that come from blaming that which has hurt you less, taking the life experience less personally, and changing your grievance story." 

4. Get the right perspective on what is happening. Recognize that your primary distress is coming from the hurt feelings, thoughts and physical upset you are suffering now, not what offended you or hurt you two minutes - or ten years -ago.  Forgiveness helps to heal those hurt feelings.

5. At the moment, you feel upset practice a simple stress management technique to soothe your body's flight or fight response.

6. Give up expecting things from other people, or your life, that they do not choose to give you.  Recognize the "unenforceable rules" you have for your health or how you or other people must behave.  Remind yourself that you can hope for health, love, peace, prosperity, and work hard to get them. 

7. Put your energy into looking for another way to get your positive goals met than through the experience that has hurt you.  Instead of mentally replaying your hurt, seek out new ways to get what you want.

8. Remember that a life well lived is your best medicine.  Instead of focusing on your wounded feelings, and thereby giving the person or people who caused you pain power over you, learn to look for the love, beauty and kindness around you.  Forgiveness is about personal power.

9. Amend your grievance story to remind you of the heroic choice to forgive.

Here is one of my favorite quotes about forgiveness by Mark Twain: "Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.”

Enjoy the day!

Mildred Lynn
http://www.mildredlynn.com

Tags: Mildred Lynn Mini Bites Forgiveness Fred Luskin

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